


It just went Wong

by vala411



Series: Avengers Divergent AUs [5]
Category: Deadpool (Movieverse), Doctor Strange (2016), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon Divergence - Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Comedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-09
Updated: 2019-06-09
Packaged: 2020-04-23 15:52:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19154176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vala411/pseuds/vala411
Summary: It was another usual day for Doctor Strange and Wong......... or was it.....  (Part 5 of The Avengers Divergent AU series)





	It just went Wong

**It just went Wong**

It was a normal morning in the Sanctum Sanctorum, or as normal as a building filled with sorcerers and magical artifacts could be. Doctor Strange had woken up rather unceremoniously due to the loud music blaring from down below.

“What in the thousands of dimensions is that racket?!” Strange growled and shoved his blankets off of himself. He grabbed his robe and made his way down to the source of the music, his Cloak of Levitation following closely behind and cringing when off-key singing could now be heard.

Normally Wong would be in the kitchen making coffee and blasting Beyonce songs through his headphones but when Strange entered the kitchen he saw someone he would rather not interact with. Or rather, he saw part of someone he’d rather not interact with. Deadpool had stuck his head in his refrigerator and was rummaging through it while gyrahing his behind to some old song while singing along.

“ _......I told the Witch doctor you didn’t love me true!_ ” Deadpool sang. “ _I told the Witch doctor you didn’t love me nice!! Dow Do-HEY!_ ” Deadpool shot up from his fridge-raiding when Strange shut off the radio.

“Dude, not cool! I was just in my groove!” Deadpool pouted, or at least Strange thought the man pouted because he had no clue what kind of facial expression the merc had behind that mask.

“What are you doing here?!” Strange asked as annoyance showed on his face “And where is Wong?”

“Well it’s a rather long story,” Deadpool took a pensive stance.

“Make it short before I send you to the void again,” Stephen muttered.

“Oh come on. I didn’t even use your fancy ass cloak as a napkin this time!” Deadpool argued.

“Why are you here?!” Strange asked again while standing with crossed arms in front of Deadpool and looking at all the ingredients on the counter.

“Sooooo, this all happened because I broke my katanas and kind of went crazy. I ended up chasing the stupid fruitcake through the Tower and startled Stark’s secretary. She’s such a nice lady.” Deadpool looked like a gossipy old woman as he tried to explain it all. “So I asked Wong if I could use the kitchen to make her some lunch as an apology, you know, after kinda destroying her desk, chair….. Phone… shoes…..”

“And Wong let you?!” Strange asked incredulously.

“Well, he didn’t say no. He didn’t say yes either.” Deadpool shrugged. “He sorta just sneezed. I think he has allergies.”

“And all your making is lunch?” Strange now asked as he looked at the merc with exasperation. He had no clue what went on with Deadpool and this ‘fruitcake’ and he certainly didn’t want to know.

“Cross my heart and hope to die,” Deadpool said.

“You can’t die…..” Strange muttered.

“That’s why I said ‘hope to’ babe,” Deadpool sassed and then went back to his fridge-raiding after giving the Sorcerer Supreme a wink.

Strange muttered something under his breath before he left the kitchen to go check on Wong. When he got to the man’s rooms in the Sanctum he could hear sniffling coming from the other end.

“Wong?” Strange called as he knocked. There came an ‘Aaaah’ followed by a loud sneeze and Strange opened the door to see if the man was alright.

“Stephen don’t come in. My magic is ou-ACHOO!” Wong’s sentence was interrupted by a heavy sneeze and some of his magic ran a little out of control. When Wong looked to where his friend had stood he muttered a curse because now there only was a tiny blue crab in its place.

“Oh damn it!” Wong muttered before he sneezed again. The crab scuttled along the floor in an agitated state and Wong just knew he was in for a long day.

Bucky was sitting on a stool next to the kitchen island in Tony’s penthouse looking through the job ads. Stark had given him a roof over his head, got the charges against him cleared, gave him a phone and a whole new wardrobe. He owed the man a lot, especially since he was the cause of most of his grief. No matter what Steve said it was still his hands that killed Stark’s parents. The least he could do is try and pay him back or at least cover rent. Even the alien prince, which took Bucky quite a while to wrap his head around, was making the meals as a way to pay back Stark for letting him stay. Though he wondered if Stark knew that. They didn’t get off on the right foot but after the whole ‘bank incident’ they seem to at least respect each other now.

Bucky just spotted a job ad for a coffee shop right around the corner and just as he was circling it a portal opened in the kitchen and the upper half of a man popped out.

“AAH!” Bucky shouted and grabbed the nearest weapon he could find, which was a spoon. Frankly the whole scene looked ridiculous. Here was a sorcerer popping in and Bucky was facing him with a clenched newspaper and spoon. His Winter Soldier training was kicking in just as the man asked “You know where Loki is?”

“What?” Bucky stopped and stared for a moment as he had no clue what to make of this.

“Loki, Prince, alien, mage, pain in the ass. I’m Wong by the way.” This Wong fellow muttered. He didn’t really look very pleased with having to call on Loki. Wong showed Bucky a struggling crab that he had in his left hand and then said “I really, though I hate to admit it, need his help.”

“Uhm….. he went to the fish market this morning,” Bucky answered. “Said he wanted to make salmon tonight.

“Do you know which market?” Wong asked and when Bucky shook his head ‘no’ the sorcerer muttered something under his breath about having to go scrying now.

Meanwhile, Loki was at a crowded fish market in Chinatown arguing in Chinese with an old lady who was eyeing the same gigantic salmon as him. He was going to make salmon tonight and by the Norns he was getting the best fish here.

“I saw it first,” Loki stated in flawless Mandarin. The Allspeak was instantly translating it so he didn’t have to worry about mispronunciation.

“You only think you saw it first!” The old lady argued. She had her greying hair pulled into a bun and was walking with a cane and a bag with several leeks sticking out. “Youngsters these days. They should respect their elders.”

Loki scoffed and then said “I’ll do that when I see one.” He was at least a thousand years older than any Midgardian.

The old Chinese woman glared at him before looking at her friend who was accompanying her. Another old lady who had her greying hair in a pixie cut. “The mouth on this one,” She told her friend who nodded. The old lady turned back to Loki and muttered “Do you want a spanking boy?!”

“Do you?!” Loki quipped before he even realized what he said.

“Take me out for green tea first,” The old lady wagged her brows, causing Loki to choke on air and her friend to actually giggle.

A portal opened behind the speechless Loki, and Wong popped his upper torso out of it. “There you are!” Wong said in a monotone voice but he startled Loki further and the Prince grabbed Wong and threw him to the ground.

“Oof” Wong muttered as he made contact with the pavement.

“Really?!’ The sorcerer asked as he looked up at the Prince. It was then that he noticed that he had no more crab in his hands. “Oh no. Where is he?!”

“He who?” Loki asked while crossing his arms.

“Strange!” Wong uttered as he looked around frantically. “I lost control of my magic during my allergies and my sneeze turned him into a crab. Now I can’t reverse it.”

“And you’re here because…..” Loki muttered.

“Because only the Sorcerer Supreme can reverse such magic but he’s currently feeling a bit…..” Wong sighed “crabby,”

“You don’t say,” Loki raised a brow. “So your next bet was someone near his power level?”

“Yes! Now help me find Strange!” Wong said.

“He landed in one of those crab baskets over there,” Loki pointed out nonchalantly. “Though I have no clue which one.”

Wong turned around and approached the four baskets that were filled to the brim with fresh blue crabs. “Oh you have got to be kidding me!”

“Which one is Strange?!” Wong asked.

“Why are you asking me? I don’t know.” Loki shrugged. “Though I hope it’s not the one getting felt up by that female crab.”

“It’s not like I know either.” Wong uttered desperatly. “Wait, how do you know that one is female?”

“Just get a crab hammer,” Loki told the man. “The crab that is hellbent on surviving…..”

“No no no….” Wong took a step back. “Isn’t there another way?!”

“Yes…..” Loki sighed. “Look, let me get my salmon first and then……” He stopped when the old ladies from the argument before approached them. The old woman, while he had been busy with Wong, had bought the large salmon. She and her friend placed two pieces of paper in Loki’s hands before departing.

Loki was confused for a moment. He opened the papers to see two phone numbers written on it and a note that read ‘Call us,’

“Not a word!” Loki shot a glare at Wong who couldn’t help but snicker. The trickster begrudgingly bought the second biggest salmon that day.

A portal opened in the penthouse and Loki, with salmon wrapped in newspapers, stepped out. He was followed by Wong who dragged in the four crab buckets they had bought. “Did you really need to buy them all?” Wong asked incredulously as he was doing the heavy lifting.

“Did you want to chance Strange ending up in someone’s hot pot?” Loki quipped back. “Let’s just sort this out. I have dinner to prepare.”

**AN: The series in chronological order as of now is; Part: 1,4,2,5,3**

**AN2: The song Deadpool is singing is Witch doctor by David Seville**


End file.
